High standards can be a strength. When nothing ever feels good enough, they become a source of anxiety. How to loosen the grip.
November 6, 20262 min read
By Zainab Adesola, BSW, MA, CCC
High standards, or perfectionism?
Caring about doing things well is healthy. Perfectionism is different: pushing yourself toward standards that are very hard to reach, judging your worth by whether you meet them, and keeping at it even when it costs you sleep, health or relationships.
Perfectionism and anxiety often travel together. Underneath “it has to be perfect” there’s usually a fear: of criticism, of failure, of being found out.
Signs you might recognize
- Spending far longer on tasks than they need, checking and redoing
- Putting things off because you can’t do them perfectly right now
- Feeling that a success was luck, and a mistake is proof of something about you
- Struggling to delegate, because others won’t do it right
- Finding it hard to celebrate, because you’re already looking at the next thing
Why it keeps going
When you work extra hard and things go well, perfectionism takes the credit. When things don’t go well, perfectionism says you should have tried harder. Either way, the rules get stricter. And avoiding mistakes means you rarely learn that a small mistake is survivable.
Ways to loosen the grip
- Name the rule. Write down the standard you’re holding yourself to. Would you hold a friend to it?
- Set a “good enough” line. Before you start, decide what done looks like, and how much time the task deserves.
- Try a small, planned imperfection. Send the email with one less reread. Leave a dish in the sink overnight. Notice what actually happens.
- Separate your worth from the result. You can be disappointed in an outcome without deciding something about who you are.
- Count what’s working. At the end of the day, name one thing that went well enough. Small exceptions are where change starts.
When to get help
If perfectionism is leading to burnout, procrastination, low mood or anxiety, therapy can help. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) has good evidence for perfectionism, and a therapist can help you set standards that serve you, instead of the other way round.
This article is general information, not medical, legal or insurance advice. For advice about your situation, talk to your health care provider, your insurer or a lawyer.
Questions
Quick answers.
Isn’t perfectionism why I’m successful?
Your effort, skill and care are why you’re successful. Many people find they do just as well once perfectionism loosens, with less stress.
How is perfectionism linked to procrastination?
If a task has to be perfect, starting it can feel overwhelming. Putting it off avoids the discomfort for now, but adds pressure later.
Can perfectionism show up at home, not just at work?
Yes. It can show up in parenting, housework, relationships and how you think others see you.
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