Speaking up in meetings, making calls, eating with coworkers. When being seen at work feels risky, here’s what’s going on and what helps.
November 6, 20262 min read
By Zainab Adesola, BSW, MA, CCC
More than shyness
Social anxiety is a strong fear of being judged, embarrassed or seen as not good enough. At work, it often shows up in the moments when people are watching or listening: speaking in a meeting, presenting, making a call, even eating lunch with coworkers.
Many people with social anxiety are capable, thoughtful and well liked. The anxiety tells them otherwise.
How it can show up at work
- Rehearsing what you’ll say in a meeting, then staying quiet
- Dreading phone or video calls, or putting them off
- Replaying a conversation for hours afterward, looking for mistakes
- Blushing, shaking or a racing heart when attention turns to you
- Turning down opportunities, like presenting or leading, that would mean being seen
- Working through lunch to avoid small talk
What keeps it going
Social anxiety turns your attention inward. You focus on how you look and sound, which makes you feel more awkward, and you notice every sign you’re not doing well. Safety habits, like over-preparing, avoiding eye contact or saying as little as possible, feel protective. But they stop you from learning that most people are far less focused on you than you think.
What helps
- Shift your attention outward. In a conversation, focus on what the other person is saying, not on how you’re coming across.
- Start small. Ask one question in a meeting. Make one call before lunch. Small, repeated steps build confidence.
- Drop one safety habit at a time. Try speaking without your script, or holding eye contact a little longer, and notice what actually happens.
- Test the prediction. Before a hard moment, write down what you fear will happen. Afterward, compare it with what did.
- Go easy on the replay. When you catch yourself going over a conversation, name it (“that’s the replay”) and turn to something else.
When to get help
If social anxiety is holding back your career, or much of your energy goes into avoiding or recovering from everyday work moments, it’s worth getting support. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is very effective for social anxiety, and online sessions can be an easier first step for people who find in-person settings hard.
This article is general information, not medical, legal or insurance advice. For advice about your situation, talk to your health care provider, your insurer or a lawyer.
Questions
Quick answers.
Is social anxiety the same as being an introvert?
No. Introverts may prefer quiet, but they aren’t necessarily afraid of being judged. Social anxiety is about fear, and it can affect outgoing people too.
Should I tell my manager?
That’s your choice. Some people find that sharing, even in general terms, makes it easier to ask for what helps, like an agenda before meetings.
Can online therapy help with social anxiety?
Yes. Many people find it easier to start online, and the skills you practise carry over to the rest of your life. See does online therapy work?
Keep Reading
Related articles.
High-functioning anxiety: when you look fine & aren’tOn time, organized, always saying yes, and tense underneath. What high-functioning anxiety looks like, and how to ease the pressure.
Avoidance keeps anxiety alive: small steps back to what you avoidAvoiding what scares you brings quick relief, and teaches your brain to fear it more. How to take small, steady steps back.
Does online therapy work as well as in person?For many people and many concerns, yes. What the research says, who online therapy suits, and how to get the most from a video session.